“I Don’t feel like Going to Church Anymore”
When speaking on why Christianity is an impediment to African Progress and development, Dalian Adofo said;
“It develops a sub-servient attitude toward mainly lighter skinned races… and low self-esteem that hinders us socially, economically and politically.”
As an African, can you truly disagree?
Picture me as a little boy forced to attend Sunday school by parents whose ancestors did not grow up with a white Jesus. Picture me sitting in pews staring at a white man on the wall who bears no resemblance to anyone else around me… what did that do to my mind? What was it telling me about myself and my people…?
My grandparents once had a God. Until the men with” eyes the like the sky and clothes like the butterflies” came and shoved a black book in their arms and literally said, “read or die”. But I’m not going to go back in time. What’s happened has happened. I’ve grown up a ‘Christian’. I’ve believed in Jesus. I’ve been ‘saved’ and I go to church — at least until recently.
“Oh… You should go to church” that’s what people tell me. “It’s good for you”. In Kenya, church going gives you points on the social stratum of judgement that we’ve all grown up with. But nobody talks about is what the traditional Christian Church can take from you… Yeah I said it. Do you think church is all inherently good?
I agree that there are aspects of Church that I love. The fellowship, the comradery, and the spirituality are all beautiful. But church puts your fate and your salvation in the hands of something other than yourself. When you’re reminded every Sunday that there is something wrong with you, that you must live up to some standard which you can never actually reach, or become like a Jesus that doesn’t even look like you, what does that do to your self-esteem?
What happens to you when the figureheads of the church, the pictures on the walls, and the statues of the saints are all white?
How do you begin to see yourself?
I Don’t want to answer for you. You can come up with your own conclusions. But when I was growing up I had white teachers sometimes. I was afraid of them. When I studied in the US, I was timid and intimidated by the people around me… would it be safe to say that church was the first place I learnt to be subservient to white people?
“the same power we associate with an image, we extend to the people who resemble it…” (Dalian Adofo).
I’ve been doing it my whole life.
I’ve been seeing my race and my people “sitting beneath the whites” just like we sit beneath the statues of Jesus at church. I been slowly selling my self-esteem and given away my self-pride. I’m not blaming the church entirely. But what if worshipping Jesus is slowly killing us. Don’t you think this is by design?
Honestly, sometimes I feel better staying at home, watching Youtube videos about Black pride than going to church to have someone tell me that I need to be something or someone other than myself.
Maybe I’m fine. Maybe there is nothing wrong with me.
